#054 Awkward confession: I’m not a writer

I couldn’t possibly deceive people into thinking I could write, except I did.

Sep 26, 2023

(01) REFLECT

I’ve always been a visual person. Growing up, I rarely read books and was far more captivated by video games, TV shows, movies, paintings, and just about anything with a visual attached. I often fantasized about big city life as a magazine editor, but only because I wanted to direct magazine covers. I could care less about all of the other content that made up said magazine — unless it was a photo or a quiz, of course.

As someone currently writing a newsletter, which is inherently a written form of content, it may surprise many of you. However, it is something I’ve always known and, frankly, always tried to hide. When Sara suggested I write a weekly newsletter in 2021, my initial reaction was, “There is no way I am going to write a mini-essay every week.” Long story short: I am happy I did it anyway. It’s been a challenge, but the most rewarding one of my career as a creative.

In retrospect, I never liked to write because I could never be up to par with other writers. I’m bilingual, which is code for I’m equally bad in English as I am in Spanish. As a kid, this meant I never found comfort in reading because I was struggling to determine what my “mother tongue” was. I got tongue-tied with every other word and could never properly concentrate because I was too focused on reading everything perfectly. However, as I got older, I started to appreciate written work. I read books here and there and found the experience highly visual regardless of their absence. I’m never one to shy away from trying new things, even against all chances of failing, so I thought, “Hmm, maybe I should explore writing?”

And I did — I wrote letters to my parents, friends, myself, and even people I’ve never met, recounting stories I pictured in my brain. Eventually, I learned to find comfort in words and began to write whenever I felt overwhelmed by my emotions. It became a safe space where I could hide, not only from the eyes of others but from my own. But to this day, I would never consider or even dare to address myself as a writer. I couldn’t possibly deceive people into thinking I could write, except I did. Every week, I sit in my bed and write a letter to you. Yet each time, right before I hit send, I repeat to myself: I’m not a writer.

My thoughts are constantly consumed by trying to decipher what makes a writer. How can I become one? Is it too late to even consider it? It seems like everyone I look up to is a natural. Did I miss a lesson in class? Maybe. My English teacher was a German woman who only started teaching because she needed to find a way to stay in the Dominican Republic, followed by an African-American man who was actually a dentist but decided to pursue education because of the income potential as a U.S. citizen. It feels as if I’m never not reminded of the long-standing impact of colonization. However, beyond the academic implications, I’ve determined that being a good writer has much more to do with being a great storyteller — a skill not inherent in all writers. I began to wonder if maybe I could master the art of storytelling instead. And so, here I am.

Sometimes, I feel a disconnect between the words I write and what I am trying to express. More often than I’d like to admit, the topic of this newsletter shifts because I am struggling to make sense of what I want to share with you. For instance, I postponed writing about my thoughts on the digital nomad lifestyle for several months because it demanded a certain level of eloquence that I couldn’t quite tap into. But throughout all of it, I’ve learned writing isn’t just about words — an extensive vocabulary and good grammar are simply tools. And perhaps, in my reluctance to identify as a writer, I’ve misunderstood the essence of being one. Like any other form of creativity, writing is, at its core, about connecting with others through shared experiences, beliefs, and emotions. It’s about hitting send anyway and sharing your thoughts and stories with those who might read.

As I continue to send a weekly newsletter, I am inviting you into my own journey of overcoming self-doubt and embracing an art form that always seemed out of reach for me. My goal is to share everything I know, not as an expert in any way, but as someone who is just learning alongside every single one of you — navigating creativity one week at a time. So, whether you’ve ever questioned your creative abilities or, like me, struggled to put thoughts into words, this is the space for you.

- Wilda <3